btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I fill condoms, not promises.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
