This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
