i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize