i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
