I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
