Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
