Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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