our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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