I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
