Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
