I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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