It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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