Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
