I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
