ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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