Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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