your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
