im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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