the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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