No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
