I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
everyone is single if you try hard enough
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
