I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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