Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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