It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
