I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
