You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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