dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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