thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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