there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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