Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Randomize
