After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
