so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
