you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
