he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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