She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
