I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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