): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
