I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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