I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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