Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
