so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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