you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
