she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
