She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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