He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
