exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
