i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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