i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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