wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
