Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
