Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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