I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
