I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
