obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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