she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
