I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
