Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
