Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He better not be in your backpack
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
