when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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