just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
