a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So apparently I’m into choking now
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
