i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
