I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
