i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
