Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
