do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
