um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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