hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
