you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize