We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
