Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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