Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
