i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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