I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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