She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
