flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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