i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
