Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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