Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
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Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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