I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
His hands were made for my vagina.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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