I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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