ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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