textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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