For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
