Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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