The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize