I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
