Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
