dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
