Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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