Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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